Wah si bei sianz.. these few days no time to blog sia. Do work till heh heh quan~! Now issh 7.30pm liao, OT OT OT, than do my helpdesk work also sianz, think maybe gonna do some cb stuff liaoz too. Dam fck up.

Yesterday heng night time no work, than play game with mike, hehe ... suddenly so many msn but i never reply, was playings games sia. By the time i reply, they already gone sia. tomorrow issh thursday, gotta Dong till friday then peace liao. Write till here first le. gotta eat dinner. (^o^)

Hmm.. just reach home, just now wake up around afternoon than played dota myself... than eat mi lunch liao go meet mike play dota while talking to foxy :D hehe..... too bad she live malaysia sia~ but not bad, quite cute, one day mst go malaysia find her liao ~ hahaz.

Than played dota wif mike till 11 plus le than he go eat finish his meehun goreng than go home liaoz. Now e-mail foxy first than play me dota ~ :D shit man, tomolo sure die de. Sure lots of work + project to do also. than knn de. friendster so slow again.. dunno what they doing sia, wanna reply mail also cannot. Den i tink next month go date foxy at malaysia liao~ haha.

Write till here first.. damn headache about friendster cannot send msg :S

Wah.. today saturday liao.. kannnnnnn tired~! Yesterday went to lot 1 meet ah gal after her work, reach around 8 plus 9 like that than go arcade play pop & music~ haha. i still haven lost all my arcade skills yet too. Than about 10pm ahgal just off work than we meet up and go yishun chong pang eat & watch Tv at kopi tiam also. Asked Mike along also than talk there untill 2-3am i guess? Smoke and drink alot also... (knn there never sell beer after 12am lo...instead i drink coke lor bo bian :S ).

After that we go meet another girl, i think name issh katherine i guess. Not bad, man chio de also. Than talk talk talk and Ton at Mac there. Alot of talking and joking also, but half of the time i tink i also lost also~ lol. Than glad that just now ton because if never ton i guess i'll be lonely at home drinking beer also. Thanks to all who pei me sia~ (^o^).But Sad, never take pictures with them all than can put in friendster/facebook~ hahaz.

Ton Ton Ton till about 7 plus 8 ba than we send kat to her block there and ahgal to the bus stop before we take MRT back to west coast there pa Lan game at Zoom. I think at that time me and mike like zombie liao also. Than me office got thing happen, have to answer me HP also while playing dota 1/2 way thru too. Heng we win the match which i was CW playing with one hand (^o^).

Now issh 2pm liao lo. Just reach home not long ago and bath ** AHHHH REFRESHING~~~ Now bath finish the more refresh till cannot sleep lol. I think later i sleep, wake up sure sunday liao lo ~ muhahaha.. Long time never ton till today. about 32 hours never sleep liao also. A bit sot sot liao. Blog till here first le. Wake up than see got what to blog too.

Sianz.. yesterday wana blog than blogger down.. cb de, Already sort of never think about her le. Focusing on doing my stuff which long time never plan also le. Next month maybe gonna go holiday myself or what i also dunno.. got 15 days of leave left :S dunno where to spend those leave on also.

Sometimes hate mi job is alot of things to do ...esp those extra de. But than actually keep me busy till i never hu si ran xian also good. But tiring too. Wednesday on MC, than thursday + friday still go work. Cough like no one's biz too also like tat. Now friday liao. gonna get broke soon also. Left 11 more days to pay day lo. Hope enough to Dong also cause these few weeks everyday alcohol, spend almost like alot alot and alot on them.

Friends are telling me to go find a new gf but dunno where to find also~ my requirements for a girl like alot~! lol. I tink sure hard to find a chio and good one too. Maybe i tink too much also but than hope la.. hahaz~

Boring sia. Now only 6pm plus, later going to lot 1 find ahgal chit chat also, dunno wanna ton anot sia. Cause i no work but she got` lol. Later hai her be zombie than jialuck liao. Hmmm..now eating mi dinner, later play 1 round dota than go over i guess :D hehe. Know quite alot of pple thru facebook ah, friendster ah, online chatting ah...etc Wonder where Gucci go also, lol.. Talk to her on the phone one time nia than know she like to eat eat eat, but she still looks okie okie la. hahaz. Than that nite tok to her till laugh like siao and than when she sleeping le i tink she dunno what she talking about also.. keep mumbling too. ~

Hmm.. maybe tomorrow than update mi blog. go play game liao lo.

Wah now 4.30am liao... zz wake up le .. nothing to do also. Today sleep alot also cause got fever,sore throat, cough, cold....sianz man. than today play dota and chat with online friends too.. Later on got work = sianz diao till cannot also. still a bit tired and hungry. Today suay till cannot lor.. kanna stuck in lift than make me kick till it open also :

Today never drink beer too. almost i tink last few weeks were like beer, vodka.. than go out wif friends ah, chat online, know new people also. Thanks AhGal intro me this chat thing~ lol. If not i at home also bored like hell lo. Yesterday also know one new girl ... she cute lor... dun wan to tell me her name, ask me call her Gucci, the branded thing. than we talk talk talk till she slp too. But really true to what every one say to me.. Over means over, why cry over spilled milk. Ya even thou shes my longest and dearest, but now its not mine too. Should not cry for her anymore. Think of her yes, but must remember shes not worth it anymore now.

Today thursday le, later on hope wun kanna kick out of the office because i sick. Got quite a handful of things to do also. Just now play dota till dunno wat time sia. Than last match was a 2v2, luna + CK VS FV + POTM... i was the potm :D song.... But today really sai luck lor.. reality sai. Gaming Luck` lol.. then all the games i play haven lost before :D i like the one when i was the techies also. Plant till siao and got 4kills together :D shiok. Lucky now seldom people use maphack liao also, if not no fun in playing liao.

Okays le, write till here first. Got time then i write. Got to rest awhile before going off to work too.

Today is tuesday, miss her alot. my cute adorable "ex".. haiz..i guess i'm drunk again. drunk alot of beer almost everyday. Dunno what to do. For the one being the bad guy, saying i ting de chu.. i finally realise i'm bluffing myself. cheating myself for really deep down in my heart. I LOVE HER. Miss her.. Want her by my side. But then whats done cannot be undone. Cannot even remember her house number. Canceled her m1 number. How am i suppose to apologize to her?

Been like the park for 1 hour plus? i do not know. Drinking beer, listening to only 2 mp3....repeating again and again. My favorite was "everytime we touch". But the more i listen, the more heart broken i felt. Why? Why can't you wait for me? i know its very long for me to try. after we break for about 10 days plus, the knowing that she have a new bf really makes me sad, pain, heart broken. And the more she said that he is gd, he is gd... makes me feel that she found a special someone.... someone who can take care of her unlike me. Someone who dotes on her more... someone she can marry? For God sake.... everytime i tink of it. Reminds me that 2years plus of relationship does not compare to 2 weeks or less.

Yes he can give you this and that. I really would like to do that. She told me that he left 100 bucks to live. Hell i got 100 bucks i could not do anything more special.. Why? cause You live at my house, i worry for food, worry for whats going to happen, what you want to buy. But she doesn't understand it i guess. Really sometimes i think its not fair. During my time. I only have myself to worry, to share with, not telling anyone else my real problems. But does anyone care? No! when shes upset, she got lots of friends calling her how she is. When its me, who do i have? Fuck man.

Its like everyone and everything is going against me, Guys have to stay strong? I tried all sorts of methods to stay strong, but than again when i am alone.... i tink things. i tink terrible tings, i drink, drink till i'm broke or what i still drink. everyday drink! But i still can't get her out of my mind. Someone just brain wash me for goodness sake. Even xintian, even jessie, even anyone could get out of my life and i still can ta han everything. But why her? even thou she is my longest, it does not make sense to me right now. Hurt i am, but i cannot do anything. Trying my best to flirt... yea right flirt. I dun flirt. Or even thou people say i may flirt. But i regard everyone just my friend. Fcking piss off when she dun understand. Fck it. FCK!!!!!

Now is 3am.. just now went to park remember all the things and drink beer.. vomitted i also dunno y... Haiz, Really pek chek in myself. Cannot pull myself together again. Tried to call her m1 number also. 4 get her house phone, this is so fuck up. but maybe its lucky for her... at least i cannot contact her anyway seems like the best for her. At least to her maybe i am the worst guy that is in this world. Screw it. Really fuck man. Haiz~ Can't understand why why why did i work so hard to plan everything till this year. Get good job, convert to perm staff, after a few months than marry her. Wanted to save to buy her the hello kitty ring. Fck Why?

April 13th. Been quite long le. Today was busy like hell and damn tired. As the previous day, went out wif kh and ray to la kopi. Its like sooo tired and after 4 plus than went home slp awhile than go work le.

Miss her so much, but i must perservere. Even thou how much happiness i show to other people. I know deep down inside i'm so hurt, even how much i love her. how much i care. I guess thats me andrew ba. I know that lots of time i think about her. But just faking everytime i can to myself. I must not go deeper down to what i am doing. Trying hard to forget her, trying hard not to remember, trying damn damn hard. Haiz. Worst things to do is to be alone. But than its been 2 days and i did not drink anymore.

Wished to go down and buy more beer to drink myself off again. Wondering should i do that anot also. Damn piss off with myself sometimes. Only thing i can do now is blog blog blog i guess. Even i know i do not tell anyone about my true feelings, but than sometimes i just want to let go off everything without holding back. Needed that one listening ear which i do not have.

Going down to buy some beer to drink le. End it here first~

Today... i did the most cb thing... i know but dun bother explainning even thou i heart broken. Yes... i know its totally like fck up, today i was like doing all the things even an ex should not do also. Haiz~ today return all her stuff to her... 19 trash bags of items and about 10 small and big cage of hamster returned to her......


It was like i was stun when i see the hamster restless also.. haiz.. than i do not know was it dead anot also. Which makes me heart pain till cannot. but than the most cb ting after return her the things was that i cancel her m1 line which was under my name and told her that from now untill 24 hours, her line will be cut off.... Haiz, this was what i do.. A CB guy i am. But than again. Fck it.

Maybe everyone can say i am crazy. Even i am crazy over her or what but this time maybe its really over and i have deleted her friendster, her number, everything about her. What am i? Who am i? I AM ANDREW!!!!!!!!!! FCK everything. Fck All Fck the world. Why should i give in too much again and make myself a disgrace to all guys?~ yea. Love a girl a guy should do. But not as i did 2 years till a few weeks back. A total thing i tink about. Really disappointed in myself also. Y am i doing all the things i did in the pasT? Fck it. Andrew.. to myself.. DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN... IT IS STUPID, IT IS NOT U~!!!! U LOVE SOMEONE, BE ANDREW. LOVE SOMEONE? TRY UR BEST AND IF THAT PERSON DUN APPRECIATE, FCK IT~!!!!!!!! REMEMBER!@!!!!!!!!!!!1111

Today is Good friday.....10 april.. went out with her, i thought things will change, missed her alot also. But than hearing that her new bf is so gooooood, than say that i am so sucks like tat today i think i a bit sot. Tried to chase her back, woo her, take her to the movies, do so many stuff. But then to think of it. what should i do?

Today did the most stupid things... I rather suffer and let her be with her new one now. Maybe to everyone i tink, force and answer out of her will be my lost, i know her answer will be him. But then. maybe i am selffish... say all those things, break contact all that which actually i miss her like hell... but then again. BE THE BAD BAD GUY.... at least maybe what i do is right or wrong,... thats a choice to make, if not everyone will suffer. Is it right or wrong i do not know.

Sort of a crazy decision i make, but really hurts me more is the feeling i get when i know she is with another guy. Can't really help it if he is better than me. Have already no more confident to do anything anymore also. Time will heal anot i do not know. But what i know is i will take a step at a time. So be it... The world is a very sad sad place.. haiz.~

Shag.. today april 9 liao, still missing my sweet little ...no .. just a past of me. haiz.. still thinking its hopeless for me since she got a new bf liao. Trying not to think of it anymore.


Anyways, today undertaker again. now got 6 kanna R.... damn it sia, miss the 5pm bus then gotta wait for 6pm bus~ sianz diao till cannot ah~! haiz. tomolo good friday somemore, cannot let me relax lor! now at home, doing jenny garnell's softphone than later go out wif kh and ray :D

Today issh 7th april liaoz.. been days since broken up with her... Missed her alot but trying my best to pull it thru... haiz..


Now is 10pm liao also... just tok to her.. She got new one le. Its like hell when i thought of sending her flowers the next day.. but i tink dun need le also. its like Haizz... Lazy blog le.. more i blog more i miss and love her...

Haiz... wanted to patch with her but then really headache. LOVE HER SO MUCH AND YET I'M A COWARD... haiz. Regretted not patching wif her earlier... Will i be able to patch with her i also dunno le.

Today is sunday... Went to my friend's chalet there chill and ton for the night, seriously 2009 is a cursed year. Heard alot of breakups this year but never expected that i too will break up. Now even thou missing her and keep thinking of her, i could not do a thing and maybe i'm too scared of the rejection or what. Things been going thru my mind alot but thinking of her everyday was like i know i can do something, but really i do not dare think that much also. Waiting for her to call me, just hearing her voice have already make me go crazy but than.... the words that come out of my mouth, i do not know.

Regretted for quite a number of days now too... yesterday at the chalet talk with some people who break up also, seen alot and talk alot too. But what is missing really is someone to hug, to kiss, to be with when i needed to. Maybe as what she said was thru, but my mind is still confused ! Arghhh.. again i tink i will drink my vodka i guess while typing my blog. Today drank alot till headache but then hopefully it helps me cool down.

now is 9.30am, looking at her pictures, videos and everything we been thru. To let it all be gone in an instants its really like hell alot to me. Hands getting itchier by the min to send her a sms "how are you".. this i almost sent.... but why did i not?? Haiizzzz....

1 Week le.. Haiz.. totatlly very bored. today went to jurong east, its like 30 mins and i'm kinda lost there.... nothing to do. The only thing i could do is went popular bought sketch book and a comic than go library there and draw... its been years since i draw something and at least my skill does not suck so much.

Haiz.. miss her daily but i know time cannot turn back. I'm like a zombie now with no heart and no soul. Everyday is a drinking day and if i stop drinking, my time will freeze. Haiz.. stop till here first. Nothing to say or wat. These few days thought of alot of things but what really upset me is by her calling me..... at the day when she went to me house to get her stuffs... i was at the play grd drinking beer and vodka. Suddenly just a thought, i was thinking how to chase her back, buy her flowers and thinking how to chase her back to me. But when she calls, all of me turn to her and give her a fierce tone and its like scolding her i know. But why i did that? i do not know. Haiz... what has become of me????

bloIts been maybe a week or wat i do not know. Miss her alot, but then this is so call second post, but fck it, if she scold me again because of blogging again, deleting it off soon. I miss her so much, going crazy also. Since the day she agree to leave me, my life seems to be full of acohol. 1st day when i blog, she called to say that i am telling everyone that she is so stupid, cannot make it.... but actually, i wanted to say sorry i dun mean to break. Funny the world is. Deleted all my 10 blogs from my past when she piss me off. really felt upset when everything happen. Not upset from my blog but from when she calls me. I dun hear any nice tone/words. Today is april fools day le. She came back to take her clothings........etc. Got the urge to go find her. but then another side of me telling me not to. somehow, maybe its been too long or what, everytime i search my heart for an answer, i got 2 answer from my heart and my soul. From my heart is to go find her and patch with her. From my soul is to say that y for you will get scolded for nothing???????? Very confused. Haiz. Just went drink not long ago.. Seriously vodka + Tiger beer does not mix.. dunno how long will i be awake. But while i am awake. Felt like blogging. But then Amen that she does not find out about this blog. If not this blog will not go long again. Its been a long time since i blog, for sometime, i blog just for myself to see. After i told me ex* tat i have 8 blogs, i have suffer since then. About how last time i like this girl or what. Does it really matter really since it is the past? No matter what. She was actually my present and i am with her. Makes no use bothering about the past. Anyways she is sort of my past now too. If anyone who reads this gets bothered by it, Fck off and do not bother telling you are piss off by this. ***Esp ivory my ex.. cause it does not matter...... I'll just click delete off my blog. tats all. If you dun like to see what you dun like, Click the [X] on the top right hand corner. Fck off~!