Br0kenHe@rt

2010-07-19T18:37:00.004+08:00

Weird Dream

2010-06-13T16:13:00.002+08:00

Weird dream i have... althought fading off once i wake up.............. some of mi frens drive...etc den i got mi own house, suddenly XT pops up and was searching for something.....what does this mean? sort of a weird dream from a short nap and it seems so long, Now damn tired cause of all the calling to find a person~ forget who is she finding also... last thing i remember is calling some game company for that too.... wat a dream! and weird!

2010-06-07T19:08:00.001+08:00

STUPID FREAKING PAST.. STOP HAUNTING ME~!!

2010-03-18T18:32:00.003+08:00

Sianz.. Bz Bz Bz everyday with work.. guess i can only engross in my work so i wun think of other things. Having a bloody bad cough sux, But the feeling of missing someone sux more. Only now the diff from past till now is i dun really believe in love anymore. True love..... what a lie that is, theres no such thing as that for me to believe in anymore. Sighh.....

Just drank moi cough medicine than think going to sleep soon le.

2010-03-11T20:37:00.002+08:00

Its about 4 months i guess i never blog.... trying hard to 4get alot of things.... till now ... 11th of march 2010 today. i guess i'm getting use to being single, getting to be the old past andrew where relationship is not important to me anymore. Days past by and the only satisfication is my beer/martell.

Seriously now getting older and older. It feels like yesterday i am in pri 1 only.. how time flies, people i know dead, lost contact, become enemies, or just missing. Now go out also only afew compared to few years back, minimum go out is 5-6 ... As everyone said. Once you get older, frens will be less. I'm glad that my dad told me and advice me when i was young to make friends carefully. When small, never held my dad's advice and can say lost alot of things, cash a little, but trust alot. Makes me feel betrayed when everyone hates the person and i am the only one who stand up for them. From that day onwards which was the 3rd person i help and support... i totally give up on helping people that is being outcast.

Now got me career up, even thou i'm not happy as i feel that people are being sacrifice maybe for the converting... but than hope they will have a better life outside.... sometimes i feel like tendering as it so stressful. Only thing i can do is to drink my heart out on beer and hard liquior at home or at some pubs~ think i need to plan a holiday soon to genting and enjoy my fav bar there and enjoy the music. Dunno should i do this anot, Now got the cash, even thou this year is my year which is my lucky number 10.. feel like going genting alone, then think about life~ haiz~

2009-11-24T19:42:00.002+08:00

Suddenly felt like blogging right now..... Quite a long time where i did not blog, never go alamak, Mirc. Only Facebook like no ones biz~

Link all my past blogs and browsing thru them and felt like i wasted so much of my life in this world. I guess lifes a waste~ So far living a single life sounds quite good, freedom and everything, but just something missing in my life. Think i gonna spend quite a while to save up and plan a really good holiday on my own again. Thought of saving some money and go las vegas and check out sin city! Goosh i just watched the movie "Hangover " and thought of how fun it is for a few nights to Really Go out all crazy to those i do not know.... Guess that will be fun! ^^

2009-09-27T15:46:00.000+08:00

Shutting down this blog le... Hmm.... anything can find me at FB~

2009-09-02T17:26:00.003+08:00

Just reach back home : sianz.. today very moody, so many stupid work den also got flash back of some past i dun want to remember. Den keep chiong work cause i dun wanna feel so sad.~ Zzzz.... Now drinking moi vodka which was bought atYH~ den now hope can drink till i peng, which long time never le.

Only can drink drink drink drink drink~~ Sucky life now~ haiz...... Hope tomorrow will be a better day ba. Write till here first, later then update more if i not drunk :

2009-08-30T23:41:00.002+08:00

Today moi sister went to pick me up for lunch, den as her birthday, i treat her go eat korean food ^^~ not bad sia the korean food at suntec. Den after that bo liao den we go MS as mi sister need to go take her pants. Caught one minnie mouse on those UFO catcher~~ haha.. shiok at least mi skills not bad. But this one quite easy to catch.

6.30pm we went to shenton way PW for a KTV session before now i reach home le.... Thankx Amaris also help me find those contact lens place. ^^... wanna buy colored contact lens liao ~~ hehe

2009-08-29T14:01:00.003+08:00

KAwaiiii~~!! going to go out soon le.. boring saturday, think i'll go bugis walk walk awhile den go home ~

2009-08-28T18:56:00.002+08:00

Just went CCK lot 1 to eat lunch with ray den go arcade play pop and music... hmm.. Wow man~ Dance dance revolution evolve into dunno what version liao, then its like i see i also dun dare go play liao lo.. OLD liao, lao liao, later play my leg break~~ haha.. Then cause sianz ma, then we go watch movie (^o^) not bad this movie, make me laugh alot also :D out of 10 i give about 8~ haha. but not bad la. Worth my money to watch at the cinema~ :D

Time to go eat first le... spent like hundred bugs for mi specs + contact lens also.

2009-08-25T16:40:00.002+08:00

Haiz... now going to go home soon already, Seems like things are going down for me, A bit disappointed cause of my job and some promise made but even thou i understand the issues they are facing, glad that they tried, but den again.. feeling down cause it did not go thru~~ SukS~!!

Got me china phone, nt bad, cheap and good to use, touch screen, Tv, mp3, radio....etc~ somemore cheap! but i tink i die die also wun drop this phone if not heart pain : Hmmm.. boring, these few days think alot also~ about life, love life.. its like life has no more meaning now to me, work to survive, work for no one. Kinda boring this life is. ~ okie le write till here first, gotta pack my bag to go home slack and bored at home alone.

2009-08-20T19:40:00.004+08:00

http://watashiwagambare.blogspot.com/
Just Took a look at my old blogs.. dunno wanna re-open anot, just remember dat my grandma passing away 2 days after my birth day... now a bit moody le. Read thru my blog den now i really more dunno what to do in life~ Haiz... sometimes life really just sux~

Den really sometimes reading my old blogs either perks me up or make me wonder alot of tings.. HMm.. also found some old pics which bring back memories but i crop it so only got me le~

2009-08-19T18:38:00.002+08:00

Hmmm.. just reach home not long ago... now talking in alamak. Damn funny... all go change nick to Lucifer, QUcifer, Pucifer...etc, Laugh till like mad. Today at work place saw her again... hmmm~ find that shes quite cute in a way till i was like omg! i'm falling for her. But den again work in same company but diff dept i also dunno what to do. Sometimes feel like talking to her den scared~ HuM!~

But a girl like her should be have bf ba.... not so sure also (>o<) sianz lo. Somemore think she will be here till dunno when only ZZzz... if she perm i tink most likely i stay 4ever!! lol~ But really everyday see her even just a glance perks up my day in which i dunno y~ Having a small crush on her i guessh. But den think i wun go woo her or chase her.... like this not bad, can everytime go work see a cute babe den i happy le (^O^), Unless she likes me den maybe i take a action! lol... but sure wun like me de, i so de ugly so the thin, so the CMi~.

Write till here first le. Hope tomorrrow can see her 2 :D hehe....~

2009-08-16T22:28:00.004+08:00

Now 10.30pm le. just drink a few bots of beer den a bit emo...................... den just now play dragonica awhile den go drink beer. Now at home sian.. feel a bit sad den worst is nothing to do and feel fck up!! Fck!

2009-08-15T23:29:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. today wake up around 11 am, play a little dragonica den ray ask to go comic convention :D

Not bad.. long time never go le... got those girls in cosplay~~ haha some cute some CMI... but funny lo... got iron man (in plastic) wakakaka, Den also transformer, mario & Luigi...etc not bad la went there, Its at suntec and at least i never waste my day at home also (^O^). Hmmmm... dunno when still got only, think everytime got comic convention i'll bring camera there liao! haha. Den snapshot all the chio bus :D hehehe.. Ok write till here first.. Emo play MMO liao~

2009-08-13T17:16:00.003+08:00

Today a bit suay, Specs spoilt, den hear a few things about mi job really piss me off, but then again... i guess thats just life and i'll still carry on with it. Went to Pioneer mall to eat lunch and buy moi contact lens if not i'll be blind sia. Spend about 30+ on it lo. but bo bian le.... dun like being a blind rat.

Than from yesterday i dream of the past... the good old days where i was working in PW lo... Fun exciting and BEER!!! (^O^) love the feeling lo. But to go back to work there i'm not sure lo~ feel like going there do part time but den tink quite long le and guess i'm not going to unless really no choice haha. Den found moi past pics also :D happy. Now going to play game awhile den slack le :D

2009-08-10T23:45:00.003+08:00

Hmm.. so long never blog liao le.. Just finish eating and langaming + drink beer with moi buddys. Than its really been a while le. Lots of things have happen. Quite busy and thinking alot of things also. For Love.. i guess really as people say, i got to take it slow and steady.

For her.. i guess i should really stab it into my heart that shes not mine anymore. MovE On~!! now sort of i will not sms her/ call her. As i know once i do that, its like an addiction.... Hmm,... tomolo start work again le. Sianz. Hate work sometimes, Busy like a bumba beee like tat. Do this and that till sianz lor.

I guess life is like this. Just got to live on and hope life gets better. Write till here le. A bit no mood to write also.

2009-08-02T23:33:00.002+08:00

Today a bit suay... i dunno what really when thru me, terrible day.... whats suppose to be mine is not mine. quite a bit regret going out today cause see alot of things i dun wan to see. Haiz. Just came back home. now 11.35pm forget that i put hp on silent mode also. Never call back cause i really in a terrible mood now.

Really hate things as it is now. reality is so fck up and i hate it. FCK UP!!! haiz... what to do.. today i almost did a rash thinking... heng my brain take over my heart.... if not i think i wun be here liao. Really what should i do now. Only can say.. those who chat with me really cheer me up, but once they are gone, i will be back soon to the part which i dun like. remembering the past. Fk man. Also dunno what to keep myself busy. drink beer makes it worst i think. Till now theres no girl that can really make me feel everythings gonna be alright. Till then, beer, cigs, music is the only thing that can really make me slp in peace.

Tomorrow still got work somemore. Haiz... feel like going back to PW to work.. dunno also. cause if like the past, everyday can busy den end of work drink like a slug dog... i maybe wun mind cause i'll still be wasting my time, but not thinking of anything else. Haiz.... maybe i go slp and 4get everything now. FCK UP WORLD>

2009-08-02T01:30:00.001+08:00

Damn sianz... today so boring also. About dunno how many days never talk to anyone else le. its like bored till cannot. Than actually wanted to find a new gf... but like everyone MIA lo.. dam sianz.. dunno who will be my gf... Prefered choice is girls find me.. haha. but wishful thinking la.

Now just came home from drinking beer....... den dunno wat to do now, wait mike and ray come home den dota together ba i guess.. think maybe tomorrow den i go drink in the evening,~ Sianz

2009-07-29T00:20:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. today was quite piss off at work.. so dun wanna talk about it.. Den after work, went home pom pom le, check e-mail than prepare to go out eat dinner with mike. Went to ginza plaza slack for quite some time.... den hmm... went to 3rd level west coz cafe to eat dinner. Not bad at all the food.. at least 10 times better den BBQ chicken. Wonder y people like to eat things with olive oil sia.. too healthy for me liao :

But if really to eat at ginza (west coast plaza) again, i think i will go back to that cafe to eat :D For like 10 bucks, eat till u siao!! if those big eaters i think order the fish and chips sure scare to eat fish again, i see mike's food = 2 fish + fries.. wa cow.. i dunno how he manage to finish eating it lo.. if me i sure eat 1 den BAo liao. (^O^) write till here first le.... just finish lan gaming at zoom then come back home. Sianz tomolo work at 7am, lots of stuff to settle.

2009-07-26T23:43:00.003+08:00

Woots.. now 11.43pm le.. just finish talking with J.. i was shock when she msn me.. but really happy chatting with her :D sort of quite long time never chat wif her le also. Miss chatting with her this few days.. Hmmm .. i tink like 1 week lo.. Seems like very long le.. haha!! Today issh sunday... i slp slp slp slp and slp cause a bit emo~from yesterday 5 am slp till this morning 10am, check e-mail, msn.. no one online.. den eat lunch le. Go back slp.. haha i pig rite?? den slp till 9 pm lo.. tonight dunno how to slp liao!!!!

Now drinking me beer and slack.... J got to ZZzzz le.. so i guess i dota awhile den see she online anot later on. HMMM...now left 1 bot of beer, haha.. today very happy... thnx to J.. happy chatting wif u always de :D next week going to timbre :D wish this week past very fast lo!! den can go down check it out le. last month wasted $300 on my PSP.. i think with 300.. i can go there often le if its good.. haha. Now listen to the song Girls Generation "GEEE" nice :D i've been repeating that song when i going to work on my PSP but doesn't feel sian at all... Remember my past when i ITe ... den i siao on SUN YANZI lo.. the chao kuai Gan... hahaa... repeat till i remember the lyrics lo... Too bad i dunno korea language.. mst learn liao.. haha~

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! blog till here first le.. happy that time den i blog :D

2009-07-24T18:02:00.002+08:00

Now 6pm.. just chat on the phone with her while drinking beer.. From today morning i keep telling myself its not possible its not possible..den in the afternoon i was rite. really not possible~ Maybe thats my life or what.. but den maybe because of what everything is happening, i find that in life. even people accept me or dun accept me, I'll still be the same i guess untill i die, i guess i just have to face reality and know that being alive is miserable. But i'm still glad i'm alive... To see how the world changes to, how everyone change, how everything change.... Its just like a pass by thru this world and see everyone how they live their life.

Luckily i make myself, pyscho myself that shes just kidding me. she does not love me... i'm not allowed to be love anymore.. Than when she tells me that, i'm calm by then~ I guess a part of life that everyone have to know and expierence. Listen to the song for like 100 times or more.... really like that song even thou i dun understand everything as it is japanese. i find theres really no love story now. Write till here le.. now drinking beer while blogging , maybe i sot sot.. haha.. haizz.... Emo a few days before my pay den maybe buying things which i dun really need will comfort me ba. Long time never go pub /club le.. maybe find one day to go.... Hmmm.. J... if u reading this help me tag tat time u say wat pub got live band de.. TY~!

2009-07-23T18:00:00.002+08:00

This few days a bit bored den too bored till think of sad things.. But i keep trying my best to 4get, tats all i can do. once reach work place, den concentrate on the work there without thinking of anything at all. Now 6pm le... thought of alot of things i am doing and really i do not know whats going to happen in the future, what will i be like... how will i change to be like~

Today morning just saw my turtle pouncing the water den notice tat there were 3 of them le. thought left 2 only. Quite healthy now the 3 of them. But missing one den become ninja turtle full team le ~ Damn bored now again. Think later in the evening then go park walk walk with my PSP and my tiger beer ba~ Now my laptop at office while i am using a spare, today no dota no games no nothing. Just me myself and i. Tomorrow hope can use Windows 7 le than can upgrade my skills by exploring this new OS.

2009-07-22T02:34:00.002+08:00

Hmmm... just now wake up around 1am ... its like WTH! cause took a nap from 8pm like that den wake up feeling refresh~ Than now eat a bit of tibits while watching anime. Today at company a bit piss off by somethings but still feel alright as i'm not the one getting screwed. Tomorrow sure got alot of things to do also le.

Just notice today that my pants a bit spoilt lo. Damn pai seh that my pants got torn.... ..... ..... and torn at some spots thats a bit obscene lo. Just really if the hole gets bigger, then everyone can see mi Ahem liao : Guess i need some new jeans again too.. haha. Next month must buy le. Yawnzzz.. no 2.40am already. Guess i will stay up till 3 plus than get another nap again. Hmmmm... J, u every night like a nightcat sia... always online so late de still say me. Haha. I wan me PD~!!

2009-07-20T20:00:00.000+08:00

YES!!! FINISH UPDATING BLOG TEMPLATE!!!!

Hmm... miss mo mo ren.~

2009-07-20T18:31:00.002+08:00

Just reach home.. now issh 6.30pm~ bath how le.. on air con den now blogging. Soooo pain..!!! today damn suay, do things do till blur blur like sotong den when i open the stupid door to the meeting room den i KIAP my fing3r. Zzzz~

Shag, now drinking moi coca cola and enjoying my air con first before later chat with all my friends. Hmmm.. anyways feel a bit guilty lo, cause never go to Paul's wedding and i totally forget about it wors~ But den okie la he.. hes a good man. Hope he enjoy his honey moon than come back he sure busy like siao le. haha. Tomorrow issh sure a busy day liao, need to move all the PC desktop and laptops and everything out to account for~ Sure sweat de!

Hmmm.. yesterday have a nice msn chat with Princess J, not bad, at least can talk to her and very happily somemore lo~ at least can click with her not bad le. Hmm.. haven talk to her on the phone yet cause her HP spoil..... i wonder how will she sound like also... later slang here and there den i hard of hearing also...haha! Know quite a few frens thru online den enjoyed talking to most of them. YES!! Come August!! YES!!! Finally did it. And waiting for $$ to roll in le :D at least for now.. maybe i got my one C le.. haha which is career... maybe dunno wanna get car anot sia... i suck at directions... i think if i were to go from point A to point B, i might take an average 3 times longer then normal pple :X

Hmm.. blog till here first le, going to find new blog skin for my blog :X a bit sianz see my blog like tat ~~ haha.

2009-07-19T08:27:00.000+08:00

Just reach back home.. now using my laptop to blog le..... I guess yesterday was the most terrible day of my life when she said not to contact anymore. Got to move on but i do not know how. Got to live and be tough again. Really hate this sort of life.... i tried to change but den i give up........ I guess no one will really love me.. Always treat me like and idiot even when i know they will treat me like tat.... no more trying~ Hate trying and keep getting nothing back and with no results. FCK! really hate this more and more~

2009-07-19T08:06:00.000+08:00

great. Now she wants to break contact. Just woke up and now on e cab back home. Life is so screw up. Sucky life it is. Think later see if anyone online to talk. If not than i go sleep le.

2009-07-19T04:46:00.000+08:00

now at east coast chalet. With my fren, the chalet was a failure. Alot of trouble. Alot of sadness. Hate my life! When go home than blog more. Now use hp very hard. Haix.

2009-07-18T03:37:00.000+08:00

3.40am.. just finish scrolling the park while drinking beer.. Have a few thoughts while sms her.. Dunno what to do now. Very confused. How i wish i can turn back time. Make some adjustments then every thing will be alright. But thats not the truth. Everything i dream of.... everything i thought of~ Now it does not seem to be alright.

Even right now i have no idea what am i doing.. just following my heart, But the more i follow my heart.... the hurt i get is getting more. I gave up. I dunno what am i thinking. I have no idea now whats going thru my mind. Scared that even i will not be able to give her the life she wants... Afraid. Maybe its best i give up? I dunno. WTf am i doing now. Tooo confuse to blog. Felt like its the end of the world. Its really not the same now... everything that i do now doesn't seem right... which should conquer me... my heart or my ego. Dun want to think anymore le ......... I hate reality.. Fck the world~

2009-07-16T18:44:00.000+08:00

Today damn piss off... almost throw my resignation letter lo...Heng everyone ask me not to if not i'll be jobless now. Still having a headache, yesterday slp around 2 hours like that den go work. Den at work DUm Painkiller for my headache~ Sianz.... Still got alot of things to do at work den tomolo still need to OT cause of some screw ups and need to clean the shit lo...Zzzz~

Now trying to rush my work den hope everything will be fine. At least i already pour out what i think about her now i feel a bit more fine as i kept it for months le, lying to myself everything will be okie. I can 4get. i can do this and that... blah blah blah~ Now facing the reality in life makes me a bit more carefree le. Find myself a bit more better i guess? I mean after expierencing too much stuff going on with my life, lots of things i may not get angry about (except for today).But i guess this is work. So in order to earn more, i guess i got to dong till things get better ba. For love life, i guess i'm still waiting.... Really i dunno about myself sometimes. Had a dream while i sleep for 2 hours, can call it nightmare or what, i dreamt that we patch but in my heart, i'm too scared to face her family again as for the past i guess i never make a good impression and making them hate me so much.

Even thou i love her so badly, want her so badly, the heart inside me is terrified of whats gonna happen from now on. The time now is 7pm. Still looking at her sms. Dunno how to reply her le. As shes wif him now i guess i got to still give some space if not i'll really be a 3rd party liao le. But maybe for now it is good as the work load for me now so siong, maybe the decision was right to give up~ if not if i OT, i guess she will be angry with me again de.So i can say maybe thats for the better now. Write till here now le. Maybe later on i'll kio mi room first ba.~

2009-07-15T21:35:00.000+08:00

Maybe everyone can say i am stupid, gong, bai che, idiot, baka... doesn't matter to me. Its been very long time i felt my heart beating again. I wanted her. But just now looking at her that shes going crazy upsets me. Why let her choose and let her be the one who suffer. I rather it be me and see her happy again. Thats y i choose to give up. Maybe its best for her as i see lots of improvement to her with him rather then to me.

Now just reach home, what can i say, Cannot do anything more than i can do now. Heart cursing myself why i choose this road again. ~ Pain! Only beer can smooth it's hurt. Drinking beer again and let myself into another world of mine which i guess only this way is the best. Can't help it but to be the one who leave again. Hating myself more and regret more every little single day. Always giving up at the wrong time. Everything i do is wrong. But to make things up~ it doesn't matter at least i hope i can do some amendments and really hope that i can make her life more happier.

Talked alot this afternoon to her. At least her family likes him more than me. To me, maybe that is also important as he may need some changes to make her happy 4ever. But told him to not make her unhappy again if not i will be the first one to jump to her and try to take her back~ Really felt stupid to give up. Hate the feeling now. Hate myself to be a quiter. I guess thats me, andrew, the only stupid guy in the world.

Remembering the past when i make till all her family piss off by me... To me, maybe its worth it or not worth it, i guess even thou i see progress in her and her mum, at least they started talking sometimes, argue sometime which cannot be avoid i know. Hope she and her family will be happier without me ba i guess. Even if she choose me, i never told her this but i'm scared i could not make it up to her family, relatives...etc Now maybe i am labeled someone who cannot take care of her, not a good guy, not even someone worth for her. I guess thats what i get for butting in too much and trying to make a change. In the past i'm glad that she and her mum get along because they are both piss off by me, seeing them stand up and aiming me. ~Hurt i get. But seeing them as mum and daughter not argueing... very glad for them. At least i tried.

Today got a big headache in the morning and take MC. about 2 days never slept properly le. Maybe i got insomia or what le, tomorrow still need go to work. I guess i got to go in earlier as i missed alot of work today. Think that my colleges cannot handle. Tomorrow even headache, i think got to work more le, work are pilling up every single day. Got to work hard for these few months also. I guess i need to get my job stable more and get more pay den i do nt need to worry so much about every single thing.Haiz..... LIFE SUCKS TO THE MAX.

2009-07-14T19:37:00.000+08:00

i really have no idea what i am doing now... But, i guess follow my heart again ba.. just one last try? I unblock ivory and started talking to her. Really cannot stand the pain in my heart anymore that she is with another guy. Knowing that she is single from HuiL, thanks for letting me know, somehow, i feel that even thou feel upset but i find that i know a bit more about myself that i should not let this chance go anymore, if not, i will sure regret.

Keep my fingers cross, i dunno what am i doing now. Bt den just drinking beer, smoking and follow my heart all the way.... if really cannot. i guess I have to do it all the way now. Any thing that happen.... i guess that is life and without regret, i should really do serious and delete everything i have and live a life without her popping up.~ Really hurt the last time, dunno and maybe this is the last time i try? the hurt makes me really really bad till i almost cannot breathe.... the thought that she compare me the last time, our relationship... everything... i hate that! i hate every single thing of that~ even thou i remember telling her to choose him, FCK!! choose me instead!! haiz... i hate all those feelings...~~ blog till here... fcking going to drink again till i drop~@!

2009-07-14T03:13:00.001+08:00

ZZZZzz now 3.15am, cannot sleep just now all the way, was trying to sleep then suddenly thought about her again. Sort of miss everything in the past and then thought of now, about the present and the future. Damn sucky feeling again. Jialuck, tomorrow dunno how to work le. maybe should take MC or what, having a bit of headache now also. Haiz.

Maybe life ain't that simple sometimes, even thou i seem okay, every now and den, The feeling will come eventually and i started to feel that my heart is crying again. But for now, toughen out a little and does not cry now. Even thoug how much my heart weep, i keep telling myself not to and keep making myself think of stupid games, try to keep myself busy with them. But really glad i make alot of new friends thou. At least on saturday, i enjoy myself and also never think too much. Guess this is life ba.... dunno when will i get someone which i could pour my heart to and have someone that can chill away the firewall i build in my heart. For now, its only me and me alone.

2009-07-13T18:27:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.. Monday liao le. Today quite a peaceful day, although i late for work, but everythings fine! :D Being single never felt so better before, but now age 26 liao soon :S still got 2 months more to my birth day liao~ haiz. Very lao liao. more and more lao = going to die soon liao. Hope die after i claim my CPF!!!! den can go enjoy before die~~ lol...

Now talking at alamak, waiting for my food to come back home. Not bad, know alot of pple there den somemore some i got talk to on the phone b4 but they like dun relise its me when meet.. lol.But really i have fun there with fish, at huaet, ah gal, gucii, miaoqi, nigel, xiao rain, nova...etc still got some of ahgal's fren also there den we drink and sing songs ah...etc TMD~!!! my song pick for like 4 hours keep stuck at bottom.. lol~ but never mind, for me sing song is cingcai de. At least get to sing a few can le :D later i sing zhao sia den pai seh lo! Okay le... write till here first. Hmm dunno want to go club this coming saturday anot nia. Sianz.~

2009-07-12T07:36:00.000+08:00

Just came back home from pubbing : shag! till 6am lo.. dam dam dam shag now.. sianz man forget to take pics there~ Later on wake up den update more :X ZZzzz

2009-07-07T15:59:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. dunno clear anot, this is the mail that the friend sends. So weird that this "fren" throw himself to me and its a GUY!!! OMG.. and acts like a girl... now my mao stand liao also... jialuck. Hmm.. also remember one thing about someone who knows her and says about her too. some bad remarks. Found liao den i post up here.

2009-06-30T18:43:00.000+08:00

Hmm... yay... got me PSP liao!! Happy liao~ So long i never chong chong myself liao also!!! (^O^)
Aiyoyo... Jamie and passerby dun not happy le! i'm already happy enough at least got people care enough to give some advice wor.. So u 2 dun argue with each other wor...

Anyways, really appreciate the 2 of you reading my blog 2 even though i not so active when i'm busy at work now (^o^)! Den you 2 got blog de ma? if got i link u 2 :D Come on be happy and be frens!! I also not any idol worth arguing about who i be with...etc haha. For now at least my Current Gf still not bad, at least never piss me off ... .... except that how hard i try... she wun get piss off (O_O). Weird sia. For her efforts i guess maybe now i'll continue to go on with the relationship ba.

For my ex, now i also trying hard to 4get her. Even frenster /facebook all that even i know her url all that, i always tell myself do not click and view her FS/FB. Cause i know once i go and see, i sure will get more upset. So i keep avoiding doing extra stuff incase i get upset.

Hmmm, now slacking at home, then tomorrow bring my Gf out as her birthday also... maybe go catch a movie or so ba i guess~ Ah Fck! the blue tooth making my PC hang again :S later solve liao then i upload newer pics here :D

2009-06-28T22:21:00.000+08:00

The 2 softtoys that i caught for her the very 1st try (^O^) I'm Still a Pro!

Hmmm.. tired ahh... today go Alot of place to walk walk with me Gf.. went to queensway shopping center, then anchor point, then ikea, than tiong bahru : walk till leg pain liao lor.... Hmmm... good thing tiong bahru sell shoe not bad.. Cheap ah... Tan Tio liao. Original price = $149, Discount price from $99 to $69 and finally to $49 liao :D shiok!

Knn lo... yesterday forget to buy 4d than come out mi hp number... CB sia.. 1ST!!!! PRIZE!!! si bei suay lor! den at tiong bahru i think me gf took a pic of me eating when i never notice sia...

Than afterwards send her home liao den go home also..... Damn hot lo.. Heng my house got air con liao.... if not cham! Now drinking my beer, smking, slacking liao.

2009-06-24T16:27:00.000+08:00

Hmm... to passerby, The song is nice. Like it alot but then hear le will bring back alot of memories wor, in short : Cherish love before it ends~ But den mine end liao too.. den thats just life for me.. SUCKY!! weird is my present gf is totally opposite of her. Shes good but than missing something and that is not my ex.. argh.. So fck man, Feel very de bad even thou mi this gf treats mi till like that than mi heart thinks otherwise.. Just dun get the want to treasure her all that. Guess my heart is still with another person :S

2009-06-23T17:29:00.001+08:00

ZZzz Kan bu de tired... today very busy lo... college go another site, another one on leave... den left me down at main busy like siao kao~ Than just now catch a beer and walk home. Go home bath then took a pic of myself.... so long never take liao le.

Today life is like weird, other than doing work, cause of yesterday that she contact me... i feel like damn weird. Keep going back to the past, thought of genting, malaysia trips...etc Argh! keep remembering her. The more i remember, and the thought that she is someone else really sux! even thou i have a gf now.. its not the same anymore. Still walking, living, taking a step at a time.

Till the day i have to decide than i should ba i guess. Yesterday was a hard day thou, keep thinking of her like siao kao and cannot sleep. Sianz. This really sucks badly. Must find somethings to do again to forget! hope i can kanna brain wash then i can forget all the damn sad stuffs.

2009-06-23T11:03:00.001+08:00

Hmm... change my blogskins a bit.. see my old one see till sian liao..

2009-06-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

Hmm... just reach home not long ago, Got my air con on now in my room (^o^) Shiok....

1 thing i learn in life after lots of thinking and happening, i learnt that one got to enjoy life more!!! As life is short, gotta enjoy while i can, never know when i'll be in my grave too. For future i do not know what will my decision will be, but then no worries everyone as even decision making i will sometimes blow it, but to regret is a yes but den tats life! i'm kinda like use to it le too... For now this new gf... so far still okay, but maybe its me or what i do not know. Maybe in my eyes now, i'm like having a stone cold heart.

In the company i change quite alot also, gain lots of people's trust all that. Almost going to convert to full time staff le... than my pay will be like (WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO)!!! Heard from my bosses that i will be happy to hear mi pay man...

1St Thing to do once i convert...hmmmm...get mi car liscense den if never plan wrong, agar 6months of savings den get liscense than can get moi car le :D hehe... den shiok liao!!! Hope can faster pass nia.. haha. Now playing luna online to pass time also... waiting waiting waiting.

Hmm... now in luna i got 6 eyes liao sia.. not a game after all... now see how far i can level till i dun wan to play ba.. haha. Dota now 6.60b come out liao.... sometimes own sometimes noob.. den now adays never play cause change till too mafan liao. Only play when mike/ray/jessie/jas or mi other dota kakis den i play lo...

2009-06-20T00:31:00.000+08:00

Hmm... damn busy at work sia.. now playing luna online with mi gf den not bad.. train till level 20 liao. haha.. luna online not bad.. quite a cute game.Check out mi screen shot.. JI

DTou!! haha.. damn me chicken boots, gloves and suit gone lor.. sad sia! Than another picture of mi in lizard suit :D

hmm.. 4 more levels then can get wings sia.. now training like siao!!

2009-06-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.. dunno issit violet dead or alive. Weird.. recieve a sms saying from her mum shes dead.. den i see her frenster like still online.

These few weeks quite busy. Find it weird i got a gf now. Things are not the same i guess.... even thou i am with someone...my heart seems dead. Just living a life with no aim to be, everything i do now is just to keep myself from anyhow thinking. Too sucks to be me. Hate that feeling that is coming from my heart. Well, got to entertain myself and make me dun think so much. I guess making someone fall in love with me is simple. But to love someone is too hard for me i guess. Sometimes after all the things that happen i find it bad to leave so i choose to stay on with her for till i dunno.

Been about almost a month soon that i will be with her. Well i'm not sure whats gonna happen in the future. But i guess taking a step at a time works for me well. A few days ago i just saw her view my frenster again. Started to remind of her everyday again. Sometimes i just do not like the feeling. Hating myself more and more everytime i'll be remind of her. Had to think of other ways to make myself forget about everything that hurts. GOD!!! fck memories. Fck everything! I'll be a Devil again if i have to!

IN MEMORIES

2009-06-15T12:19:00.000+08:00

In Memories of Foxy Violet who pass away on 13-6-2009 8.43am. Thats a friend that i will never forget. A girl who is independent and does not want to drag anyone to her problem. Shes a good girl for what i know, Known her for a few months, chat with her all that and know shes really a hard working girl. Its sad to know what happen to her and i could not do anything for her. To all who is her friend and family, if shes done anything to you, forgive her.

To the ones who hurt her.. .you'll be damn! everything i heard from her, her live is so sad. Haiz.. I'll blog more later on in the evening.~

2009-05-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

Sian... haiz.. today suddenly miss her again.. dunno why, but i'm drinking. Haiz.. dunno y dunno how, tried too much ways le.. now nothing to do, just wasting my time on beer. Dunno what to do now. Even thou now trying hard to find a new gf... but its like different le. Now its like miss the good old days where she is together with me, but den i dunno. Haiz!!! ... hope time could turn back. But then...... it is this way now.

Reality is cruel, damn fck up. haiz... going to slp soon le. Hope tomolo will be a better day. :S

2009-05-17T01:54:00.001+08:00

WOOOSH!~ Finally... clementi party world going to open soon liao (^o^) Sooooo shiok.. i tink next month my hang over place sure at clementi liao lo :D hehe... Today went to bugis play arcade a while than meet mike go eat dinner ... ate the chicken rice there... not bad, still can eat next time. Than go there see chio bu awhile than we went to clementi pasar malam there buy some things, check clementi new mall first than go west coast drink beer le than play lan game (^o^).

Hmmm.. wanna find girl friend now but still not confident. A bit phobia even thou i can chat online with girls now, but than finding one and really talk to one is another diff story sia. Sianzzz ahhh....... oh ya.. funny sia, today dunno ish heng or wat, do things really very shunnn.... only in dota lost lol.. cause got noob teammates sia. But than everything else is okie.

So many things to do, so little time. Now i think i focus more time in making $ ba i guess. Now even thou i got alot of spare cash, alot are spend in useless ways also like entertainment all that. I think mst go partyworld cha ren zi jia find ah yi liao.. than jio her go clementi PW... than like old times le.. Really miss old times like singing with friends, drink, talk, sing, talk talk talk talk.... SMOKE...!! than sing, drink than go home~~ lol.

Okie le... write till here first le. (^o^) Hope got more happening things coming up for me so i can live my life fully.

2009-05-12T18:27:00.000+08:00

Yay.. today although tired... but song. finally find some spare time to clean my room (^o^)~ hehe... posting pictures of my clean clean room liao.. before that was like rubbish dump sia, than shift my computer table to the place i wan. Bed is same place but horizontal now :D

Hmm... having a smoking break now while blogging. Think must find a day to makan sutra liao at marine parade XIao HOnG Lou!!!! missing the black pepper crab so much liao :D hehe...

Above are the pics of my room :D Huat AH!!!!

2009-05-10T06:10:00.000+08:00

Wooosh... just came back from lan game.. Its been long since play starcraft till so siao liao. Today do quite alot of things, Went to SLS with ray go buy his processor & stuff than eat liao, meet mike at his house there while i drink beer. Than go bugis the new shopping center slack and watch "Wolferine" (^o^). Song, but spend alot of money also hahaz...

Saw amaris there but never go call her also even i standing beside her~ lol. Hmmm.. the new cinema is okie okie only, seats are not that big and cosy, somemore cb de... movie start and the lights are still on.. think they need to improve ba. I think the new cinema called FlimGrand or something like that. Hope when i go there watch terminator than it goes better.. must keep my fingers cross liao.

Anyways boring sia.. dunno wanna get a gf anot also. now age 25.. zzz 10 more years than i can buy mi own House.. sian ji bua, if not now i also can get : stupid law.... need to marry than can get house, unless private / condo than can i think, but fck EXPENSIVE!!! Argh...

Write till here first le, yay, sunday liao, monday still off :D YippeeeeeE!!!

2009-05-09T12:30:00.000+08:00

Wah shiok... finally saturday liao, yesterday sleep very well till now afternoon (^o^). Hmm, previous day my dad's birthday and bought cake for him. shun bian celebrate mother's day also ~ hahax. Than took photos of mi parents and cake :D

Than that day very song, eat crabs, prawns...etc but than 4get to take pics cause the black pepper crab look too delicious till i forget :D hehe... Missed Xiao Hong Lou's black pepper crab also.. must find someday go there eat liao. Song sia.. now saturday only, later think meeting ray and kh go watch wolferine liao, sunday no plans yet, than monday gobuy amaris's b.day present`

wonder Singapore got what thing to do also :

2009-05-07T00:18:00.000+08:00

Oops.. too long never post blog liao.. almost 4get about i have new blog also.. These few days or weeks damn busy with work sia... Sian diao cause got alot of project from my manager... But still got to do helpdesk work also :S .... now 7th may liao, still left 2 more months than contract over liao.

Now drinking beer again~ Shiok man. Now chatting to all my friends while blogging.. damn bored~ lol... just now den know i got someone in youtube reading my blog last time sia~ den tell her my newblog link.. hmm.. thanks alot if u read this blog~ lol.

Hmmm... yay.. coming monday no work :D happy!!!! Just got to dong this thursday and friday then shiok liao :D yippeeee.. duno want to take leave anot also hehe... than super duper long weekend.. than can go chiong and go play liao :D ~ Hmm.. long time never take pics liao also. Got time i think i need go take some pics liao also~ haha..

Recently added alot of new friends also, know pple from irc to play dota, to talk to chat on phone and also maybe planning outing soon ba i guess. Also found my lost friend which i regret cause of some reasons i dun wanna say .... but than at least my friend understand and forgive me can le..... heng i smart know how to find people. although need a bit of luck, but i guess i hit jackpot also~ hahaz.

Okie le.. write till here first.. think my readers will think its boring also` lol ...

2009-04-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

Wah si bei sianz.. these few days no time to blog sia. Do work till heh heh quan~! Now issh 7.30pm liao, OT OT OT, than do my helpdesk work also sianz, think maybe gonna do some cb stuff liaoz too. Dam fck up.

Yesterday heng night time no work, than play game with mike, hehe ... suddenly so many msn but i never reply, was playings games sia. By the time i reply, they already gone sia. tomorrow issh thursday, gotta Dong till friday then peace liao. Write till here first le. gotta eat dinner. (^o^)

2009-04-19T23:52:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. just reach home, just now wake up around afternoon than played dota myself... than eat mi lunch liao go meet mike play dota while talking to foxy :D hehe..... too bad she live malaysia sia~ but not bad, quite cute, one day mst go malaysia find her liao ~ hahaz.

Than played dota wif mike till 11 plus le than he go eat finish his meehun goreng than go home liaoz. Now e-mail foxy first than play me dota ~ :D shit man, tomolo sure die de. Sure lots of work + project to do also. than knn de. friendster so slow again.. dunno what they doing sia, wanna reply mail also cannot. Den i tink next month go date foxy at malaysia liao~ haha.

Write till here first.. damn headache about friendster cannot send msg :S

2009-04-18T13:48:00.000+08:00

Wah.. today saturday liao.. kannnnnnn tired~! Yesterday went to lot 1 meet ah gal after her work, reach around 8 plus 9 like that than go arcade play pop & music~ haha. i still haven lost all my arcade skills yet too. Than about 10pm ahgal just off work than we meet up and go yishun chong pang eat & watch Tv at kopi tiam also. Asked Mike along also than talk there untill 2-3am i guess? Smoke and drink alot also... (knn there never sell beer after 12am lo...instead i drink coke lor bo bian :S ).

After that we go meet another girl, i think name issh katherine i guess. Not bad, man chio de also. Than talk talk talk and Ton at Mac there. Alot of talking and joking also, but half of the time i tink i also lost also~ lol. Than glad that just now ton because if never ton i guess i'll be lonely at home drinking beer also. Thanks to all who pei me sia~ (^o^).But Sad, never take pictures with them all than can put in friendster/facebook~ hahaz.

Ton Ton Ton till about 7 plus 8 ba than we send kat to her block there and ahgal to the bus stop before we take MRT back to west coast there pa Lan game at Zoom. I think at that time me and mike like zombie liao also. Than me office got thing happen, have to answer me HP also while playing dota 1/2 way thru too. Heng we win the match which i was CW playing with one hand (^o^).

Now issh 2pm liao lo. Just reach home not long ago and bath ** AHHHH REFRESHING~~~ Now bath finish the more refresh till cannot sleep lol. I think later i sleep, wake up sure sunday liao lo ~ muhahaha.. Long time never ton till today. about 32 hours never sleep liao also. A bit sot sot liao. Blog till here first le. Wake up than see got what to blog too.

2009-04-17T18:43:00.000+08:00

Sianz.. yesterday wana blog than blogger down.. cb de, Already sort of never think about her le. Focusing on doing my stuff which long time never plan also le. Next month maybe gonna go holiday myself or what i also dunno.. got 15 days of leave left :S dunno where to spend those leave on also.

Sometimes hate mi job is alot of things to do ...esp those extra de. But than actually keep me busy till i never hu si ran xian also good. But tiring too. Wednesday on MC, than thursday + friday still go work. Cough like no one's biz too also like tat. Now friday liao. gonna get broke soon also. Left 11 more days to pay day lo. Hope enough to Dong also cause these few weeks everyday alcohol, spend almost like alot alot and alot on them.

Friends are telling me to go find a new gf but dunno where to find also~ my requirements for a girl like alot~! lol. I tink sure hard to find a chio and good one too. Maybe i tink too much also but than hope la.. hahaz~

Boring sia. Now only 6pm plus, later going to lot 1 find ahgal chit chat also, dunno wanna ton anot sia. Cause i no work but she got` lol. Later hai her be zombie than jialuck liao. Hmmm..now eating mi dinner, later play 1 round dota than go over i guess :D hehe. Know quite alot of pple thru facebook ah, friendster ah, online chatting ah...etc Wonder where Gucci go also, lol.. Talk to her on the phone one time nia than know she like to eat eat eat, but she still looks okie okie la. hahaz. Than that nite tok to her till laugh like siao and than when she sleeping le i tink she dunno what she talking about also.. keep mumbling too. ~

Hmm.. maybe tomorrow than update mi blog. go play game liao lo.

2009-04-16T04:38:00.000+08:00

Btw.. post some pics when went to friend's chalet (^o^)

On the left is Amaris the pig, than me wearing mi Gorilla Tees (^o^)

God i look ugly on this one :( than i also forget their names liao~ haha :P

2009-04-16T04:22:00.001+08:00

Wah now 4.30am liao... zz wake up le .. nothing to do also. Today sleep alot also cause got fever,sore throat, cough, cold....sianz man. than today play dota and chat with online friends too.. Later on got work = sianz diao till cannot also. still a bit tired and hungry. Today suay till cannot lor.. kanna stuck in lift than make me kick till it open also :

Today never drink beer too. almost i tink last few weeks were like beer, vodka.. than go out wif friends ah, chat online, know new people also. Thanks AhGal intro me this chat thing~ lol. If not i at home also bored like hell lo. Yesterday also know one new girl ... she cute lor... dun wan to tell me her name, ask me call her Gucci, the branded thing. than we talk talk talk till she slp too. But really true to what every one say to me.. Over means over, why cry over spilled milk. Ya even thou shes my longest and dearest, but now its not mine too. Should not cry for her anymore. Think of her yes, but must remember shes not worth it anymore now.

Today thursday le, later on hope wun kanna kick out of the office because i sick. Got quite a handful of things to do also. Just now play dota till dunno wat time sia. Than last match was a 2v2, luna + CK VS FV + POTM... i was the potm :D song.... But today really sai luck lor.. reality sai. Gaming Luck` lol.. then all the games i play haven lost before :D i like the one when i was the techies also. Plant till siao and got 4kills together :D shiok. Lucky now seldom people use maphack liao also, if not no fun in playing liao.

Okays le, write till here first. Got time then i write. Got to rest awhile before going off to work too.

2009-04-15T02:54:00.000+08:00

Today is tuesday, miss her alot. my cute adorable "ex".. haiz..i guess i'm drunk again. drunk alot of beer almost everyday. Dunno what to do. For the one being the bad guy, saying i ting de chu.. i finally realise i'm bluffing myself. cheating myself for really deep down in my heart. I LOVE HER. Miss her.. Want her by my side. But then whats done cannot be undone. Cannot even remember her house number. Canceled her m1 number. How am i suppose to apologize to her?

Been like the park for 1 hour plus? i do not know. Drinking beer, listening to only 2 mp3....repeating again and again. My favorite was "everytime we touch". But the more i listen, the more heart broken i felt. Why? Why can't you wait for me? i know its very long for me to try. after we break for about 10 days plus, the knowing that she have a new bf really makes me sad, pain, heart broken. And the more she said that he is gd, he is gd... makes me feel that she found a special someone.... someone who can take care of her unlike me. Someone who dotes on her more... someone she can marry? For God sake.... everytime i tink of it. Reminds me that 2years plus of relationship does not compare to 2 weeks or less.

Yes he can give you this and that. I really would like to do that. She told me that he left 100 bucks to live. Hell i got 100 bucks i could not do anything more special.. Why? cause You live at my house, i worry for food, worry for whats going to happen, what you want to buy. But she doesn't understand it i guess. Really sometimes i think its not fair. During my time. I only have myself to worry, to share with, not telling anyone else my real problems. But does anyone care? No! when shes upset, she got lots of friends calling her how she is. When its me, who do i have? Fuck man.

Its like everyone and everything is going against me, Guys have to stay strong? I tried all sorts of methods to stay strong, but than again when i am alone.... i tink things. i tink terrible tings, i drink, drink till i'm broke or what i still drink. everyday drink! But i still can't get her out of my mind. Someone just brain wash me for goodness sake. Even xintian, even jessie, even anyone could get out of my life and i still can ta han everything. But why her? even thou she is my longest, it does not make sense to me right now. Hurt i am, but i cannot do anything. Trying my best to flirt... yea right flirt. I dun flirt. Or even thou people say i may flirt. But i regard everyone just my friend. Fcking piss off when she dun understand. Fck it. FCK!!!!!

Now is 3am.. just now went to park remember all the things and drink beer.. vomitted i also dunno y... Haiz, Really pek chek in myself. Cannot pull myself together again. Tried to call her m1 number also. 4 get her house phone, this is so fuck up. but maybe its lucky for her... at least i cannot contact her anyway seems like the best for her. At least to her maybe i am the worst guy that is in this world. Screw it. Really fuck man. Haiz~ Can't understand why why why did i work so hard to plan everything till this year. Get good job, convert to perm staff, after a few months than marry her. Wanted to save to buy her the hello kitty ring. Fck Why?

2009-04-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

April 13th. Been quite long le. Today was busy like hell and damn tired. As the previous day, went out wif kh and ray to la kopi. Its like sooo tired and after 4 plus than went home slp awhile than go work le.

Miss her so much, but i must perservere. Even thou how much happiness i show to other people. I know deep down inside i'm so hurt, even how much i love her. how much i care. I guess thats me andrew ba. I know that lots of time i think about her. But just faking everytime i can to myself. I must not go deeper down to what i am doing. Trying hard to forget her, trying hard not to remember, trying damn damn hard. Haiz. Worst things to do is to be alone. But than its been 2 days and i did not drink anymore.

Wished to go down and buy more beer to drink myself off again. Wondering should i do that anot also. Damn piss off with myself sometimes. Only thing i can do now is blog blog blog i guess. Even i know i do not tell anyone about my true feelings, but than sometimes i just want to let go off everything without holding back. Needed that one listening ear which i do not have.

Going down to buy some beer to drink le. End it here first~

2009-04-12T00:11:00.000+08:00

Today... i did the most cb thing... i know but dun bother explainning even thou i heart broken. Yes... i know its totally like fck up, today i was like doing all the things even an ex should not do also. Haiz~ today return all her stuff to her... 19 trash bags of items and about 10 small and big cage of hamster returned to her......

It was like i was stun when i see the hamster restless also.. haiz.. than i do not know was it dead anot also. Which makes me heart pain till cannot. but than the most cb ting after return her the things was that i cancel her m1 line which was under my name and told her that from now untill 24 hours, her line will be cut off.... Haiz, this was what i do.. A CB guy i am. But than again. Fck it.

Maybe everyone can say i am crazy. Even i am crazy over her or what but this time maybe its really over and i have deleted her friendster, her number, everything about her. What am i? Who am i? I AM ANDREW!!!!!!!!!! FCK everything. Fck All Fck the world. Why should i give in too much again and make myself a disgrace to all guys?~ yea. Love a girl a guy should do. But not as i did 2 years till a few weeks back. A total thing i tink about. Really disappointed in myself also. Y am i doing all the things i did in the pasT? Fck it. Andrew.. to myself.. DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN... IT IS STUPID, IT IS NOT U~!!!! U LOVE SOMEONE, BE ANDREW. LOVE SOMEONE? TRY UR BEST AND IF THAT PERSON DUN APPRECIATE, FCK IT~!!!!!!!! REMEMBER!@!!!!!!!!!!!1111

2009-04-11T02:51:00.000+08:00

Today is Good friday.....10 april.. went out with her, i thought things will change, missed her alot also. But than hearing that her new bf is so gooooood, than say that i am so sucks like tat today i think i a bit sot. Tried to chase her back, woo her, take her to the movies, do so many stuff. But then to think of it. what should i do?

Today did the most stupid things... I rather suffer and let her be with her new one now. Maybe to everyone i tink, force and answer out of her will be my lost, i know her answer will be him. But then. maybe i am selffish... say all those things, break contact all that which actually i miss her like hell... but then again. BE THE BAD BAD GUY.... at least maybe what i do is right or wrong,... thats a choice to make, if not everyone will suffer. Is it right or wrong i do not know.

Sort of a crazy decision i make, but really hurts me more is the feeling i get when i know she is with another guy. Can't really help it if he is better than me. Have already no more confident to do anything anymore also. Time will heal anot i do not know. But what i know is i will take a step at a time. So be it... The world is a very sad sad place.. haiz.~

2009-04-09T21:43:00.000+08:00

Shag.. today april 9 liao, still missing my sweet little ...no .. just a past of me. haiz.. still thinking its hopeless for me since she got a new bf liao. Trying not to think of it anymore.

Anyways, today undertaker again. now got 6 kanna R.... damn it sia, miss the 5pm bus then gotta wait for 6pm bus~ sianz diao till cannot ah~! haiz. tomolo good friday somemore, cannot let me relax lor! now at home, doing jenny garnell's softphone than later go out wif kh and ray :D

2009-04-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

Today issh 7th april liaoz.. been days since broken up with her... Missed her alot but trying my best to pull it thru... haiz..

Now is 10pm liao also... just tok to her.. She got new one le. Its like hell when i thought of sending her flowers the next day.. but i tink dun need le also. its like Haizz... Lazy blog le.. more i blog more i miss and love her...

Haiz... wanted to patch with her but then really headache. LOVE HER SO MUCH AND YET I'M A COWARD... haiz. Regretted not patching wif her earlier... Will i be able to patch with her i also dunno le.

2009-04-05T09:27:00.000+08:00

Today is sunday... Went to my friend's chalet there chill and ton for the night, seriously 2009 is a cursed year. Heard alot of breakups this year but never expected that i too will break up. Now even thou missing her and keep thinking of her, i could not do a thing and maybe i'm too scared of the rejection or what. Things been going thru my mind alot but thinking of her everyday was like i know i can do something, but really i do not dare think that much also. Waiting for her to call me, just hearing her voice have already make me go crazy but than.... the words that come out of my mouth, i do not know.

Regretted for quite a number of days now too... yesterday at the chalet talk with some people who break up also, seen alot and talk alot too. But what is missing really is someone to hug, to kiss, to be with when i needed to. Maybe as what she said was thru, but my mind is still confused ! Arghhh.. again i tink i will drink my vodka i guess while typing my blog. Today drank alot till headache but then hopefully it helps me cool down.

now is 9.30am, looking at her pictures, videos and everything we been thru. To let it all be gone in an instants its really like hell alot to me. Hands getting itchier by the min to send her a sms "how are you".. this i almost sent.... but why did i not?? Haiizzzz....

2009-04-03T23:08:00.001+08:00

1 Week le.. Haiz.. totatlly very bored. today went to jurong east, its like 30 mins and i'm kinda lost there.... nothing to do. The only thing i could do is went popular bought sketch book and a comic than go library there and draw... its been years since i draw something and at least my skill does not suck so much.

Haiz.. miss her daily but i know time cannot turn back. I'm like a zombie now with no heart and no soul. Everyday is a drinking day and if i stop drinking, my time will freeze. Haiz.. stop till here first. Nothing to say or wat. These few days thought of alot of things but what really upset me is by her calling me..... at the day when she went to me house to get her stuffs... i was at the play grd drinking beer and vodka. Suddenly just a thought, i was thinking how to chase her back, buy her flowers and thinking how to chase her back to me. But when she calls, all of me turn to her and give her a fierce tone and its like scolding her i know. But why i did that? i do not know. Haiz... what has become of me????

2009-04-03T23:07:00.001+08:00

bloIts been maybe a week or wat i do not know. Miss her alot, but then this is so call second post, but fck it, if she scold me again because of blogging again, deleting it off soon. I miss her so much, going crazy also. Since the day she agree to leave me, my life seems to be full of acohol. 1st day when i blog, she called to say that i am telling everyone that she is so stupid, cannot make it.... but actually, i wanted to say sorry i dun mean to break. Funny the world is. Deleted all my 10 blogs from my past when she piss me off. really felt upset when everything happen. Not upset from my blog but from when she calls me. I dun hear any nice tone/words. Today is april fools day le. She came back to take her clothings........etc. Got the urge to go find her. but then another side of me telling me not to. somehow, maybe its been too long or what, everytime i search my heart for an answer, i got 2 answer from my heart and my soul. From my heart is to go find her and patch with her. From my soul is to say that y for you will get scolded for nothing???????? Very confused. Haiz. Just went drink not long ago.. Seriously vodka + Tiger beer does not mix.. dunno how long will i be awake. But while i am awake. Felt like blogging. But then Amen that she does not find out about this blog. If not this blog will not go long again. Its been a long time since i blog, for sometime, i blog just for myself to see. After i told me ex* tat i have 8 blogs, i have suffer since then. About how last time i like this girl or what. Does it really matter really since it is the past? No matter what. She was actually my present and i am with her. Makes no use bothering about the past. Anyways she is sort of my past now too. If anyone who reads this gets bothered by it, Fck off and do not bother telling you are piss off by this. ***Esp ivory my ex.. cause it does not matter...... I'll just click delete off my blog. tats all. If you dun like to see what you dun like, Click the [X] on the top right hand corner. Fck off~!

2009-03-26T18:30:00.000+08:00

1St day of breakup, it was the 24th, one day before our aniversary. Why did i do such a stupid thing. Of everything else, i said to go our seperate ways. Haiz. Cannot imagine she never say no, but agree to it. Seriously sucks to the max. Night time, went drinking with Ace, Mike and Ace's friend i tink.. dunno who is she yet also. Than drink about 2 bottles of tiger than go home. Lucky for mike that he have cash, if not i really do not know what to do after breaking up with her.

Haiz, 2nd day more worst, morning got a hangover, knowing that she is outside make me worry about her safety all that. After all, I'm so used to protect her without her knowing. She might say that i did not give her anything, care? concern? security? whos the one that always suffer in the end? Always miss the days that she is scared and need me to embrace her. But that ivory is long gone in the past. For past weeks, months, really felt that everything i do, wear, eat, really everything is wrong. Explained several times but still she does not get it. For what really piss me off is what she said to everyone. Can be very nice to everyone, but not me, her own bf who has been supporting her for 2years or more.

Today is the 3rd day sort of. Tried keeping myself busy like shit, but everytime when i finish some of my work, the memories of her keep flashing back to me. To me, how cute she was when she needs me to protect her. But now till present, all she needs is a punching bag, really funny how she change, really miss the days where she crys infront of me, needs me for real cases. For now, its like too late for regrets too. Since i and her make up our minds to go our own ways. Its a damn shit thing even at bus thinking of her. Thought of one time she crys when the crockcoach disturb her while she sleeps. I got to rush back home to see her cutest face cry. I laugh for a while and at that time i really glad that happens. For so long in time, she finally needs me. Needs not as in i need you to bring water for me, need me to do this do that. But a time where i felt that i am the only one in the world for her. But these times are over.

She only cares more about everything to make her perfect, but doing it wrong. If she does it right, everytime i call her, i will not feel any treat to argue with her. A call to say dear dear, you eat le ma? ..... even if i say haven, i will still get a "poor thing... later finish must remember to eat wo".... ~ But for months, that was just a dream i guess. All i get is a more black face and more arguement. Now is 7pm, still thinking of her while opening this blog. Maybe to her now i opening this blog without her knowing is like she gets what she wants.

In the past when i break up or give up on someone, she could say that in the past, i did all this for a bunch of stupid girls... but now, who is the stupid one now. Realllllly really miss her alot. Almost cry at the bus but only to act that i am yawning. Before that, when i from Tuas go back to Main base, almost cried too because of missing her. Upon going up the lift to lvl 2, Gosh my eyes are damn red but manage to keep it down and swallow everything. A guy have to be tough i guess. So far now really upset and confuse on what i should do. Now lonely and nothing to do. Looking at her pictures and suddenly thought that she looks more beautiful than usual. I guess this must be like " Cherish one another as if you lost them, they will transform into an angel flying off from you thus leaving you".

Now 5mins is like 5hours while i blog, trying hard to make myself busy again b4 i gonna cry. Miss her kawaii laughter, her cutest reaction when bugs meet her, and beautiful figure esp her arse. Going to miss out all of that suddenly is like Dooms day, judgement day, whatever you call it. If really time could turn back, i will really want to take back my words. But what is done cannot be undone. what i said will forever be in my and her memories. I guess this is it. 2years, 9months of relationship is over. What is going to happen in future. I do not know. Only to say that i miss her so much. I really love you. I wanted to marry you. Hate myself for what i said. But i'm too tired, too xin ku and have no confident in myself anymore. For all these years i tried that you said it was like useless things i do. I can only now take one step at a time and try to hold myself in. Maybe days to come, weeks to past, months that goes by, if we really fated to be together forever. I hope that we will not argue anymore, you will not blame me for everything, Give me something called hope*, and i will be your concern man again. Till then. Lets just try to live with it.

Yours, a br0kenHeart3d Andrew<-3 I LOVE YOU <-3